Life Lately: Changes, Heartbreaks and Moving Forward

The past weeks have been rough, shaky and extremely difficult for me. I’ve been out of my normal routine, my schedule is supposedly full but I didn’t bother to look at my planner. I did not respond to any email and I didn’t confirm attendance to any event. And while I feel like I have to do things in order to move forward, I decided to just stay at home and do only what’s required by my body – eat, sleep, eat. Well, maybe not exactly. Classes also started a week ago so even if I’m not on it yet, I’ve spent my Monday and Wednesday afternoons in school, meeting people for shop orders and reading some random stuff in between.

CHANGES. There have been lots of changes in my realm and while my zeal is normally always outpouring, the magic of positivity was not just there, at least during that time. I thought I was ready for anything except for change.

People close to me know that I’m not so much of a risk-taker. I mean, I’ve done several big decisions in the past, some of them I regret, some I’m really very proud of. Like when I left my 8-5 job to run a business or when I decided to put up this blog, I know I took the right challenge. But in general, the word “change” freaks me out. I don’t like the idea of uncertainty, the idea of leaving the status quo and moving to something that is unsure.

But as they say it, change is inevitable. The earth is constantly rotating. People change, relationships end, situations differ and struggles will just pour in, whether we like it or not. And the drill? We just have to keep moving.

This week, I am celebrating my blog’s first anniversary and while a huge giveaway sounds great, I decided to write something more personal. I decided to share what I’ve learned so far, in the hopes of inspiring people to trust God and never stop moving towards their main goal, even if things don’t go as planned.

I WAS BROKEN. I WAS LOST.

Weeks ago, I realised that my finances have been going overboard. My business has been struggling and my freelance stints aren’t sufficient enough to support all our expenses. I’ve misused some of my savings for some unworthy stuff – new bags, new clothes, new shoes. I forgot the things that really matter – insurance, bills, amortisation payments. You know adulting really sucks but for a 27 year old woman like me, it’s a way of life and I hate how I took things for granted.

Weeks ago, I got so fed up with social media. The curation of ones feed, the pressure of earning thousand of likes, the competition of signing brand deals and the whole idea of “online influence” stabbed me. Like you’re not in if you didn’t get that invite or you’re just a mediocre blogger if you’re not part of this campaign. It’s a gross thing, I know. I find it so hard to keep up with the game and so I was on an Instagram and blog hiatus for a while.

Weeks ago, I ended my almost 4-year relationship with my (now) ex. This is probably the toughest momentum of this period. You know that feeling when you’ve planned the rest of your life with a certain person and suddenly, the whole thing falls apart? For a moment, all these thoughts came in – I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I wasn’t special enough. I’m not worth anything. I’ll never meet anyone. I’ll never find love. I’m going to die alone. No one cares about me. I was down and nothing, even with all these efforts from mom, made me feel better.

But I had to fake it. Not for myself, but for all the people who trust me and who believe in me.

And so I did.

A few days ago I dropped by NBS to buy some stuff for school and a book caught my attention. It’s a book I’ve known all my life but I must admit I was not able to understand every bit of it. I flipped through the sheets and my eyes landed on this page and this very line:

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

And suddenly, my heart felt lighter.

It gave me hope. It made me feel better. It made me believe in the plans the Lord has set for me. All this time pala, I was trying to do things in my own pace. I was trying so hard to fit in, trying so hard to stay in a relationship that’s not healthy for me.

I’ve acknowledged that the hardships I’ve been through is part of God’s working in my life and the best thing for me to do is to trust the process and restart things the way He wanted it to flow. So  I’ve cleaned my room, fixed my planner and disposed stuff that will hinder me from growing. I’ve rewritten my plans and I started reading His book again. And every day, my prayers are specific.

Today, I am excited to face life. The thought of meeting new people, taking more opportunities, going to new places, making new friends, trying out new things and falling in love again thrills me. I didn’t expect it to be this fast. I guess, when you’ve lifted everything to Him, He’ll surely take charge ASAP.

So to all my friends (and readers), I hope you’ll find God in all your struggles and hardships. Don’t be afraid of change. Remember that He has an amazing plan for your life. So, set boundaries, take care of yourself, and lean on Him. Trust me, I know you’re going to make it.

“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near.” —Isaiah 55:6 (ESV)

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16 comments

  1. This msg may be long & full of random thoughts ate, so pls bear with me! ♥ ” I thought I was ready for anything except for change. ” That line from your blog was a total #Hugot and I feel the same way ate. My world twisted 359.9 degrees and I WAS LOST. My plans didn’t happen. Sobrang teary eyes ako po ate while reading your latest post on your blog! SOBRA! ♥ “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 Yan din po ang source ng strength ko para ipag patuloy ang life ko, especially ang studies ko. I have to do it; I have to finish it. Because I know that my FAMILY believes in me! And they will be proud of me! And I know, YOU too ate! magiging proud ka rin po sakin. Thank you ate! Sobrang grateful po ako dahil nakilala ko po kayo! We always do share the same thoughts and feelings. I know hindi nyo po ako masyado napapansin pero ako po, I am very much amazed with your WHOLE PERSONALITY! ??? So please keep on inspiring me ate!!!! You may not know me personally but I do pray for you. Kaya mo yan ate! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! ? This is my personal message for you ate. I keep on wishing na sana ma meet kita in person kasi sobrang na-inspired mo po ako! THANK YOU ATE! I AM SO GRATEFUL KNOWING YOU!!!! I love you ate shai!!! ??? :*

  2. Sometimes when going gets rough it is better to lie low. I am sure better times will be there soon. And when through a rough patch it is better to learn lessons and move on. You rightly said – He has an amazing plan for your life.

  3. Shaira,

    Alam mo ba, ang swerte mo. These are the things that make you stronger. Lessons in life diba? So, think positive and all that is good comes to you.

  4. It is perfectly normal to go through ruts in life were negativity may cloud our minds or we’re fed up/exhausted/overwhelmed and we need to take a break to let our souls rest and recharge.
    I’m glad your have worked through that (it shows strength to overcome and press on!) I wish you nothing but success, strength, and love… enjoy the good times and work through the tough ones, STAY STRONG, you got this!
    Oh, and congrats on the blog anniversary ; )

  5. A good read in your post shai. Yes we need to move forward and by this means we create our future and lets always remember if we go forward lets always think positive the things we will be encounter. 🙂

  6. Congrats on the blog anniversary! And congrats for still having courage to face these fears and these unfortunate situations, but as you said, god has something planned in all of us. we only need to trust in his guidance. <3

    I'm going through something too, and your post gives hope that I can also conquer this 🙂

  7. Social media is an ephemera. Even I have fallen for it, but my world, my earning world revolves around me. One advice from me is that you should start exercising to rid you of negative thoughts. Practice meditation as well. Best of luck, Shaira

  8. I love that verse! Jeremiah 29:11 has given me so much hope as well. I’m glad that you were reminded of this beautiful verse. I believe this verse and I have experienced it come true over and over in my life. 🙂

  9. I can truly relate to what you have shared on your post. Sometimes, we really get stuck, we get lost and sometimes we really don’t know where are we heading and where are we exactly going. This is life and we really can’t escape. Very well written, I love how you were able to hoist yourself and started to move forward. Thank you so much for sharing all your lessons in life, which I guess this will also be a help for us. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

  10. Cheer up! Just because you had those experiences doesn’t mean it’s the end of it. He will not present those problems to you if you can’t take it. Just think that there are more people who have deeper troubles and struggles in life than you but they are overcoming it. You can do it! You are in charge. Good luck!

  11. I personally came to that point as well.. that things arent happening the way I want them to be…. that they do not go according to my plans.. there were times that my problem would arrive one after another til it becomes a great burden but you know what.. God will not throw a stone that we cannot catch.. He knows that we are capable of surviving these challenges and sometimes these problems are God’s little way to ignite our faith once more especially if we get lukewarm

  12. I have been in this situation too, the finances and the heartbreaks. I remember it all too well. The only different thing is that my heart wasn’t broken by my boyfriend, it was my dad who broke it and he left us with nothing. During these dark times, it came to a point when I questioned God’s plans for me. But God never turned his back, now I understand that all those things happened because He wanted me to have peace and to be truly happy. ❤️

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